Lightbulbs and Kidneys

This morning I woke up and the bathroom light was burnt out. Lightbulbs burning out is always an unfortunate occasion, but this was particularly unfortunate because there is not a single window connected to our bathroom. The result? Complete and utter darkness. And as much as I enjoy showering in the darkness, peeing in the darkness, and brushing my hair in the darkness, I do not in fact enjoy doing any of these activities in the darkness.

I tried putting on my makeup via cell phone light and I thought things were going well until I went downstairs and saw myself in the mirror in the living room, illuminated by blinding sunlight, and realized I had done a very shoddy job indeed. However, on the plus side, things like zits are much less visible in the darkness and, as long as you don't look in any other mirrors, enable you to shove the memory of their existence completely from your mind.

It's also very frightening to stare into mirrors in the darkness. The whole time I'm doing so I can't shake images from my mind of ghosts appearing next to my face in the glass and laughing maniacally. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

Anyway, after we got home from church I once again headed into the bathroom, deceived by the light from the hallway leaking in, and shut the door only to find myself once again in total darkness and remember that the lightbulb was still out. I was sick and tired of this nonsense, but the way I saw it, I had two options: 1) pee in darkness; or 2) pee with the door wide open. Both were equally unsavory and repulsive activities, so in a moment of sheer brilliance, I found my solution. I looked up at the light in the hall and noticed for the first time that there were not one but two lightbulbs in the light fixture. I promptly unscrewed one of the lightbulbs from the hall and brought it into the bathroom light fixture, screwed it in, and basked in the fluorescent glow that spilled forth. There is now light in the hallway and the bathroom! So the moral of the story is lightbulbs are like kidneys: You can take one out and transplant it, and everybody will still do just fine.