1. The Man in the Minivan
The entire car smells like some hellish combination of Cheerios and McDonald's. "Let It Go" is blasting from the radio. Kids are screaming. Boogers are flying. Diapers are stinking. Needless to say, my manhood has been insulted. Watch out 'cause I'm driving with a vengeance and something to prove. Not to mention we're late for soccer practice.
2. The Young Prissy Woman
I am perfectly justified in my right to blast music that objectifies me and smack my gum and coat my eyelashes and text on my iPhone and fix my hair and check myself out in my rearview mirror and drink my coffee and take a selfie at the stoplight and change the song 10,695 times and slam on my gas and slam on my brakes and drive like FREAKING CRUELLA DEVILLE!
3. The Car That's Had Its Blinker on for 5 Solid Minutes
I'm not really sure what's going on or where I'm going or what my name is, but I'll bet you $50 that I'll realize it's time to exit the freeway the moment you drive into my blind spot.
4. The Semi-Truck Driver
Everything about me is large and in charge and if you're in my way, well, I'm sorry, but frankly my dear, I don't even care.
5. The Expensive and Glitzy Sports Car/Unnaturally Jacked Up Truck
I sold my soul to drive in a car that looks this good so let's just say I'm not about to let you pass me unless you look about as good as I do, which is impossible, so don't even try or even think about trying.
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